good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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