I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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