Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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