She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
