dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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