I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
