idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
