hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
