I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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