Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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