thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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