She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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