think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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