my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
