it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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