Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
