Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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