Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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