I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
