at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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