I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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