saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
