suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
