you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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