i already hear my dad disowning me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
