he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
