Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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