Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
