i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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