i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
