you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
