He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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