I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they need to just BURY HIM!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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