Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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