dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
