So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
