Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
