I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He has the fingertips of a God
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
