i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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