HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
