Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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