She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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