batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
