Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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