Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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