So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
