Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to sanitize my soul.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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