Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pooping to opera.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
