just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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