dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
