I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
