hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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