apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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