I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
