why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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