She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
