i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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