It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
