I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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