what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
