My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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