so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
