so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
