i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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