whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
