Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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