I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
