i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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