three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
