wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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