one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
