is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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