So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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