Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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