all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
