I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
