how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
