i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize