just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
