kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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