I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
