so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
