My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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