tell your sister to shave her snatch
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My feet surprised me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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